Trap Queen

Ever have that feeling or the concept of ‘What if’ ? I’m not really sure what I’m trying to get across, so I’ll just keep typing what comes to mind. My cousin got engaged recently. I got all registered and what not for my upcoming classes. All I need now are books and transportation. I haven’t been out with my friends in a while, hopefully that won’t be the issue next Friday. I have constant headaches. I’m way insecure. Actually very insecure of a lot of things: my future, my weight, life in general. I think my arms are flabby. And I have a food baby. I’m in love with this new TV series OTWOL! ❤ JADINE forever. Hey, if it doesn’t work out with Nadine and James, I’ll just marry James in the near future. I’ll propose just like in OTWOL Kilig na Kilig ako.

The other night I had a dream. Wish it was real. You know, I was just happy. I was on a trip. Originally supposed to watch a musical but the cast sucked so instead we decided to go to Downtown Disney. Free! We decided to stop by and get food and I was actually with my supposed OTP. We got food and I saw a friend who I thought wasn’t speaking to me anymore and it was a good feeling to just casually talk without tension. Oh the sort of downside was that I separated from my OTP and only had $5. I went outside enjoying the sun then it got cold. I realized I left my jacket hanging inside. The Macaroons! The cold. The hug. I saw family inside. $500. In short I gave my hugs and goodbyes. Surprisingly I cried. I cried because I was so happy and grateful. I thought I’d never get that feeling. It was so surprising. Felt good. Just happy and warm.

Too bad dreams are just that. Dreams. Well some can technically come true. I just hope my future comes out with that happiness and more. Hopeful. Sometimes we just have to hold on and keep believing tomorrow will get better. Maybe there will be something to look forward to. Just live. You’ve got nothing to lose.Worse case scenario….. honestly we’re all going to end up dead anyway. What we do in between our birth and death matters and also doesn’t. It’s up to you what’s worth giving matter to. Not in the sciencey way or physics conceptish.  Live.

I keep thinking that maybe someday someone will read this and ask what’s with titling this Trap Queen and the music video? Answer= I just really like this cover right now and it has been on repeat since this morning or by the time I finish typing this up would be since yesterday morn. I ❤ it. Oh and the replay of OTWOL is on I’m so excited for next week! YAsss! Well to another great song or dream~



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